I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
