I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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