Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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