Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
