he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
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