I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
