OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
