I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize