The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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