K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
