this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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