Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize