I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
