He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
