Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
