He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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