I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
