getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You were trust falling into bushes
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize