Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
