I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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