If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize