And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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