i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
