Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
