she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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