hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize