She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
