C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
