wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
