HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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