He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she peed on how many people?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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