babies were throwing up all over the place
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
