mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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