She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
