Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
