what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
