Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
too bad you live with your parents still
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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