I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
A+ Viking dick
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
