Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
