Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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