She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
