The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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