let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
