Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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