Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
