Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
