That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
