so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize