just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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