Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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