Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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