I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
