Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
