So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
pray to the hookup gods
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
