i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
