loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
