I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
