Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Randomize
