I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
