really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
