you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
