It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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