i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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