Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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