I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
