we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
