So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
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