New low: just hacked my moms facebook
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
