When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
